


big and textured

by thewriterofperfectdisasters



Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: (a word was bothering me), (and yes i did change that tag if anyone noticed), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, I don't even know what to tag this as, M/M, let's just say - there's one specific toy okay, my friends are terrible enablers and im not taking blame for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 07:13:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17219342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewriterofperfectdisasters/pseuds/thewriterofperfectdisasters
Summary: Laurent made a quietahaand held his hand out for the… item. ‘Can sober Damen rationalise drunk Damen’s thought process?’Damen coughed, rubbing the back of his neck as he watched Laurent inspect it. ‘Big and textured?’‘Damen,’ Laurent sighed, looking to the heavens for guidance, before turning back to him with an unreadable expression. ‘This is essentially a corn dildo.’Damen blushed. ‘Correct.’





	big and textured

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TetrodotoxinB](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TetrodotoxinB/gifts).



> basically, this morning i woke up to a message that was a link to [this](http://damiaanos.tumblr.com/post/181536659153/lord-kitschener-bendinq-zamaron) with no comment, except, and i quote: "have you met you? my only comment is damen" so like. happy late holidays, eo. i hope it's everything you dreamed lol.
> 
> but yeah i hate myself too. lowkey a follow up to [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15300498), [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15338658), and [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15692523), but fine as a stand alone!

‘I’m curious,’ Laurent said, lips pursed, hands on hips, head cocked. ‘Who, exactly, did you buy this for?’

Damen made a thoughtful noise, turning the package over in his hands. ‘That’s a good question, and one I’d love to answer, except I think I was drunk when I ordered it.’

‘When _did_ you order it?’

‘Almost definitely when you were away on that business trip a few weeks ago.’

Laurent made a quiet _aha_ and held his hand out for the… item. ‘Can sober Damen rationalise drunk Damen’s thought process?’

Damen coughed, rubbing the back of his neck as he watched Laurent inspect it. ‘Big and textured?’

‘Damen,’ Laurent sighed, looking to the heavens for guidance, before turning back to him with an unreadable expression. ‘This is essentially a corn dildo.’

Damen blushed. ‘Correct.’

‘That you drunkenly bought because it’s “big and textured”.’

‘Yes.’

‘Who, dare I ask, did you think would be using this?’

Damen shrugged as Laurent removed it from its plastic packaging, dropping it on the table and running his fingers over the rows of flesh-toned corn kernels. ‘Can we go back to the part where I was drunk and I missed you?’

‘Of course, you missed me,’ Laurent said blithely. ‘I’m amazing. But you still, what, thought I’d put a corn cob up my ass?’

‘Well,’ Damen started carefully. ‘You are, uh… pretty amazing.’

Laurent studied him for a moment, before he slammed the corn-dick on the table, the suction cup sticking to the surface, and the rest of it swaying gently with the motion. ‘I’ll make you a deal.’

Damen watched the corn-dick return to its upright position. ‘Should I be scared?’

‘You like things up your ass. You can use it first.’

Damen froze, looked at the corn, looked back to Laurent, at the corn, Laurent. He sat, staring at the corn in front of him. ‘What do I get in return?’

‘You mean apart from the satisfaction of _“big and textured”_?’

‘Apart from that.’

‘Does there need to be something you get in return?’

‘You said “I’ll make you a deal” and so far all you’ve said is I get to fuck some corn, so if I’m going to, I wanna know what for.’

Laurent pouted making his way slowly around the table to stop in front of Damen, sliding onto his lap and lacing his fingers behind his neck. ‘Don’t you love me?’ he simpered.

Damen narrowed his eyes. ‘Yes, but –’

‘Shouldn’t it be enough just to make me happy?’ Laurent’s eyes went wide, pleading. ‘Damen?’

‘God,’ Damen murmured, even as he wound his arms around Laurent’s waist. ‘You’re dangerous.’

Laurent’s face shifted to one of triumph, ducking in to kiss his cheek. ‘You’ll love it.’

‘And you’ll love telling Auguste about it.’

Laurent waved a hand. ‘He got something stuck in his ass, he’s in no position to talk about fucking some corn. At least this has a flare of some kind.’

***

‘Drunk me fucking sucks,’ Damen muttered, pushing his face into his arm as Laurent drizzled more lube onto his fingers. ‘But I suppose I also wouldn’t buy stuff like this if you stopped going away for work, so that’s an option.’

Laurent hummed, unceremoniously slipping his fingers back inside Damen. ‘But then I wouldn’t get to have fun like this, would I?’

‘You’re – _terrible_ ,’ Damen said, breath hitching as Laurent curled his fingers.

‘You love me,’ Laurent said, sounding far too happy, but pressing an apologetic kiss to the small of Damen’s back anyway. ‘Damen?’

‘Mm?’

‘Imagine,’ he said, taking his fingers out once more to grab the corn and slick it up, ‘what if this corn _nuts_?’

Damen twisted his head to show Laurent how unimpressed he was by his joke. ‘Just stick it in, fuck.’

‘It would be,’ Laurent positioned the head of the corn at Damen’s hole, leaning forward over Damen’s back as he slowly pushed it in and whispered, ‘it would be _creamed_ corn.’

Damen made a sound, half laughter, half groan, at the combination of Laurent’s joke and the, uh, corn.

‘How does that feel?’ Laurent asked, once he’d bottomed it out, allowing Damen a moment to get used to it. ‘Big? Textured?’

‘You’re very annoying, you know that, right?’

‘You bought a dildo shaped like corn because you _missed_ me, I can’t be that bad if you were this… desperate.’

‘I bought it without a _plan_ ,’ Damen said, pushing his hips back and up a little as Laurent began moving it.

‘I think you bought it sober,’ Laurent said, drawing out a low moan from Damen as he pushed it back in even slower, the rows in the silicon slipping past his rim one by one. ‘I think you were curious. You’re enjoying this too much.’

‘Who says I’m enjoying it _too_ much?’

That might have been the wrong thing to say, because Laurent seemed to take it as a challenge, starting to pick up the pace, producing more noises from Damen when he got a rhythm going. ‘Are you sure you aren’t?’

‘Stop talking,’ Damen said, lifting his head pointedly.

Laurent obliged, moving from his position where he was sitting between Damen’s spread thighs to kiss him, until Damen broke away, gasping.

He lost track of time after that, only vaguely aware of Laurent’s lips on his skin and the thing inside him as he got closer to the edge. He came with a grunt, burying his face in his arm and letting out his breath as Laurent withdrew it and tossed it aside.

‘Verdict?’ Laurent asked, stretching out alongside him and leaning his head on one hand, running the other down Damen’s spine.

Damen rolled his head to look at Laurent, giving him a tired smile. ‘It was… pretty good. Maybe not a bad drunk purchase.’

Laurent laughed, dipping his fingers in the cleft of Damen’s ass and back up to his hip. ‘I have a confession.’

‘Mm?’

‘You didn’t buy it.’

‘What?’

Laurent bit his lip, trying to control his smile and failing. ‘You were drunk when we talked on the phone, so I kind of… ordered it on your behalf.’

‘Laurent,’ Damen groaned. ‘Did you trick me into thinking I bought it so you could fuck me with it?’

‘In my defence,  it was meant to be a joke. I didn’t think you’d _let_ me.’

‘You’re _terrible_.’

‘I know,’ Laurent kissed his shoulder. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s fine. I suspected it when there was no charge to my account.’

Laurent swore. ‘I ordered it from mine?’

‘Yeah.’

‘So you _knew_ and you went along with it?’

Damen grinned. ‘Who played who?’

Laurent looked impressed. ‘I might have to up my game.’

‘Mm,’ Damen hummed, leaning over to kiss Laurent’s forehead. ‘Good luck with that.’

**Author's Note:**

> if you want to find me anywhere ~~why would you when this is the bullshit content i create~~ i'm (still) on [tumblr](http://damiaanos.tumblr.com) and also [twitter](http://twitter.com/daamiaanos)!


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